Stupid money

August 18, 2013

I hate being in this position.  I hate being the bad guy. I hate being the one that finds the negative as opposed to the positive. I hate being the buffer between people. I hate giving my all for people who don’t care. I hate that life isn’t remotely perfect. When one thing goes well, 3 have to go badly. I can sit there and watch my son be adorable as anything, but in the back of my mind I’m worried about my car, the bills and where we will get money to sign him up for sports he wants to play. I hate being an adult.

When I was a kid, just like so many other kids, I dreamed of the day that I would be an adult. No bed time, no one to boss me around, and money that flows freely from check books and debit cards. Wow, was I wrong.

My mother was the one who kept the check book in the house, which was funny because she is horrible at math. Not a month went by in my teenage years that I didn’t hear my mom tell my dad something about a bounced check. I told myself I wouldn’t live that way when I was a grown up. I’d manage my money and have fat stacks of cash to buy what my heart desires. Yeah, that hasn’t happened yet. I never took a class on managing money, and heaven knows I’d never learn it from my mother. I’ve just kind of been winging it all along. Of course I married a guy that has parents that can manage money, but either didn’t teach him, or he never bothered to learn. Based on the siblings it was a combination. Either way, he can’t manage money either. I’ve got some bills set up to be removed immediately upon my single payday per month, like the house payment and the internet bill.  Also Netflix, the YMCA, and the insurance company are all paid directly from my bank account.  You notice I didn’t list the electricity or the water. They usually fall behind then I have to scramble to get money to pay them. I really should set them up to be taken out automatically, but the amount fluxuates each month and knowing my scatterbrain I’d forget to change the amount and underpay them then get charged late fees. Of course, by not paying the bill period, I am charged a late fee. I guess I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t.

I find it very sad that it has taken me this long to find a career that I want to be a part of. I’ve wasted all of my 20s looking for something I want to do and finally found it late in my 20s. It requires a college degree, so back to school I went. I now have a college degree, but now I need certification and while I’m at it I might as well get my Master’s degree since it’s only 3 classes different.  I’ve maxed out my undergrad student loan limit. Go me! So now I have to take time off from classes so I can continue to be paid 1/3 the amount I’d be paid if I were actually a teacher. Do you know how hard it is to live on 11,000 dollars per year? It ain’t easy, that’s for sure.

Now you may ask yourself, why does it all fall on your shoulders? Why doesn’t your husband help out? He uses the electricity, water, and lives in the house. Not to mention, he drives a car that you have paid the insurance on. And to that I answer, that’s a great question! Why doesn’t he help out? Oh yeah, remember that comment about him not managing money well, that’s why. He will cash his paycheck then deposit it into the bank account and somehow manage to withdraw almost the entire amount he has deposited! Isn’t that just fantastic? I mean, I don’t have enough shit to deal with, let’s add this to the pot too and stir it.

I love him terribly, even with his annoying ass faults. But there are days I’d love to bash his head into a wall until he understands the headache this shit gives me. I mean really. I don’t understand what is so hard to understand that everything in life isn’t free. I’m also not a damn ATM that has money in it at all hours of the day. When it comes to Christmas or even birthday presents for anyone, I have NO idea how we are going to pay for any of that. I can barely pay bills and feed us with my school paycheck. I do have the second job, and was hoping that money would help pay down my loans, but that clearly isn’t going to be happening anytime soon.