I've been a member of Offbeat bride for about a year or so. The website is migrating from their current server provider to a new one and much information will be lost. I decided to keep my stuff so I could re post it when my application is approved.
It's all your fault Darth Vader!!
- Posted by nirvanagrrl on December 20, 2011 at 5:51pm
It's about 7 months until the big day and I have not heard from the person designing our wedding invitations. I think it's time to take matters into my own hands.
I sent her a message a few months ago giving her the information that we needed on the invitations. I then contacted her about a month after that just to check the progress. She had totally forgotten about it. Ugh! It was okay though because we still had plenty of time. Thankfully I finally got a message from her and we've started communicating through Pinterest and have facilitated some great ideas for the invites!
Another friend offered to make our cake topper, but I haven't heard anything out of her. She's got two very young children and I know her hands are full, so I don't want to offend her by looking for a cake topper, but I also don't want my cake topper idea to be lost and have to use some generic Wal-Mart cake topper. :( I guess I'll drop her a note and see if she's even interested in doing it anymore.
Then there's the part about the friend of a friend who I don't really want at the wedding, but she considers me a friend and I'm sure it will hurt her feelings if she's not invited. I don't want her to come because she's condesending and has NO control over her 3 year old daughter. I don't want to spend my wedding day worried about the little girl. The wedding is child friendly, considering we have a child ourselves as do most of our friends, so I can't tell her to leave her daughter at home. An added problem is that my FH is friends with this person's father, but neither one of us can stand her mother. Oy Vey!
To add to the frustration we have a mutual friend that "wedded" his baby momma a few months ago and she "forgot" to invite us, even though he made a special request that my FH be there since they are quite close. This individual asked me to date him years ago when FH and I were apart, but I wasn't ready, nor did I want to cross that friendship line. His "wife" hates me, and I throughly dislike her. She is overbearing and uses his daughter as a pawn to get what she wants in terms of his actions. She threatened to take their daughter away if he reported on a friend of hers that had child pornography on the computer. I'd like for our mutual friend to come, but leave that "lovely" individual at home. How exactly do you word that invitation?
Oh, why must human relations be so complicated? Oh, I know, because Darth Vader died and was unable to make everyone bow to his will and become automaton droids with no emotions. Damn you Darth Vader for dying!
Views: 55
Comment by Evee on December 20, 2011 at 6:35pm
Ha! It's all Darth's fault, somehow.
Your first two points (dealing with vendors/friendors), send emails with a detailed list of expectations. You can make it sound cheerful and professional, but make it clear. Example for your friend and the cake-topper.
"Hey friend! Just dropping you a line about that super-awsome cake-topper idea we talked about. Are you still able to make it? If you're still on board (and trust me, I'd understand if you're busy with your own shit!) can we get together for lunch [next Tuesday] to talk about ideas? The cake baker/my mom/the wedding checklists need the cake-topper done by [two weeks before you actually need it]. Thanks again!"
You can get a little more formal with the invite lady. Tell her what date you'd like a rough draft, when you'd like a proof, and an absolute final date for the finished product. Sometimes you've got to break it down for some people. If she agrees to the timeline, you've got every right to politely harass her about those timelines, as she was well aware of your expectations.
As to your friends, thats always more complicated. I'm a big proponent of "invite who you damn well please and don't worry about hurt feelings" but not everyone is has hard-hearted as I am!
Comment by Ssafs on December 20, 2011 at 8:15pm
Since Evee tackled the Vendors/Friendors I'll take a stab at the friends.
For the friend of a friend with the 3 yr old that you really dont want to invite. Dont. If she asks why she wasnt invited explain that you had to cut the guest list down (sometimes a white lie is very useful) and that unfortunately did not have enough room on it for her. She should understand if she really wants to be a friend.
As for your mutual friend. Send an invite thats addressed specificially to him with no other name on it (or him and his daughter). That should take care of it. Taking a question/answer from the knot on this subject and :
Q. We're having a small wedding. Do we have to invite Mr. Smith "and Guest"? One friend told me that if a guest is not seriously dating someone, I can just address the invite to Mr. Smith, and he'll know he's not supposed to invite someone. Is that true? What do I do if such guests reply for two anyway?
A. Most guests will understand that without "and Guest" or another name on the invitation, it's meant for them alone. Especially if you are having a small wedding, you probably aren't going to invite everyone to bring an escort, unless it's a fiance(e) and/or a serious significant other. Technically, you're never supposed to write "and Guest"; instead, you should find out the name of the significant other. What to do if some clueless souls reply for two? Call them up and explain that you're having an intimate wedding and, unfortunately, you were not able to invite everyone with a guest. They should understand that.
A. Most guests will understand that without "and Guest" or another name on the invitation, it's meant for them alone. Especially if you are having a small wedding, you probably aren't going to invite everyone to bring an escort, unless it's a fiance(e) and/or a serious significant other. Technically, you're never supposed to write "and Guest"; instead, you should find out the name of the significant other. What to do if some clueless souls reply for two? Call them up and explain that you're having an intimate wedding and, unfortunately, you were not able to invite everyone with a guest. They should understand that.
Hopefully that helps. You can, IF you have to call him, explain to him honestly, that his baby's mama doesn't make you two comfortable, and you want to be comfortable for your day and have only those who are close friends and family around you instead of people you do not know very well (and you dont know her very well yet do ya? ;))
Comment by Whitter on December 21, 2011 at 2:40pm
Just speaking from experience- tons of people don't understand the implication of leaving off an "and guest" on an invite. My own finace is guilty of it, and RSVPd us both to a tiny wedding only he was invited to- I was completely mortified when he told me, definitely did not want some chick I'd never met to think I was rude or forcing myself into being there :P
Anyway, I think it's fine to address it to just him, and that's certainly the easiest and most polite way. But maybe be prepared to explain it to him if he doesn't pick up on it right away, especially if he hasn't been to many weddings. Some of this stuff is kindof intuitive to girls, but not so much to the dudes I've learned :P
Don't be afraid to harass a little, but be polite, obviously. As for the person you don't want there, I would say don't invite her, but again, politely. It is your wedding, and the expression of your love, and you should be surrounded by people you love. If it comes up, tell her you just want your nearest and dearest there, and you have limitations on budget/venue/food/anything that has some truth to it.
The last thing you need is someone there who stresses you out. If you end up inviting her anyway, take comfort in knowing that on the day, you'll be so wrapped up in your new hubbie and the wonderful people you really wanted to invite that you probably won't even notice she's there. And since it's a three year old, if she does anything people might just think it is cute, and no one will blame you, I'm sure.
I am a sad panda, but it's for the best in the end.
- Posted by nirvanagrrl on June 23, 2011 at 4:46am
While I haven't gotten the official word yet, it looks like the entire amount saved for our wedding budget is now going to a down payment on a home. Granted, it's only $2000, but that's now $2000 less for the wedding. We still have half of a deposit to pay on the venue, no tux for our son, and forget anything like favors, attendant gifts, or even buying invitations.
Having a home is a great thing, I'm just super stressed about where the money will come from to "repay" ourselves. My FH said we can use our income tax return next year to finish off anything before our July 2012 wedding, but that was supposed to be for our honeymoon. Looks like that's not an option now. :( I was really looking forward to going somewhere neither of us had been before and experiencing it together. Home ownership is something we've never experienced before and he's so excited I don't want to rain on his parade. Hell, the day he found out we got pre approved he called me and asked if I had told the realtor to take the house off the market that we want. Silly FH.
Deep breath.... it will be okay..... it will be okay..... it will be okay.....
Right?
Views: 16
It will be OK. You have my empathy... we need to revision our June 2012 wedding, too, because our household financial situation will be changing significantly, too. I'm trying to think about it as just creating a new vision for what the wedding will be.I also keep reminding myself that a wedding is one day -- marriage is the reason why we're here. In your case, a house is a great commitment to your family.
At the same time, gut check -- are you on the same page with FH about the home buying? Regardless, go ahead and have the money tantrum if you need to. This is a great place to do that. Good luck with everything!
Comment by vintagehandbag on June 23, 2011 at 1:49pm
That is difficult. I would definitely recommend a honeymoon registry. And, there are probably places not too far away from where you live that you've never been. I think it's also possible to do some things -- like invitations -- pretty inexpensively. These free monograms look like a great place to start out for a template to design your own printables: http://www.weddingchicks.com/freebies/custom-monograms/fancy-monogram/
Comment by nirvanagrrl on June 24, 2011 at 8:04pm
Thanks for the words of encouragement. I'm actually the one who prompted the home buying expedition, as I got a new job and the town we're looking at moving to is closer to his work too. I want an address for our son to remember when someone asks him where he lives and I just don't see us living in our tiny apartment forever.
I had considered a honeymoon registry, especially now that we may have a house and everything we need within a house. :D I know everything will work out, it is just hard to know that the money is there for the leisurely disposal, and now it will be a crunch time wedding. LOL!
Comment by Metal Maven on September 26, 2011 at 5:59pm
Just checking in to see how things are going. Are you still my wedding twin? I haven't done anything wedding related lately. What's the new with your house?
It's been a little while, but something has gotten done! *porn*
- Posted by nirvanagrrl on May 3, 2011 at 3:18pm
I haven't posted on here in forever. My FH is home and we've gotten some things figured out in regard to our nuptials next year. I did have a slight freak out since a friend of mine had her FH freak out and tell her that even though he popped the question he wasn't ready to get married and their wedding was set for July of this year. They've now pushed it back a year. It made me worry that my FH would back out too. I asked him if he was getting cold feet. He replied with no. THANK GOODNESS! I'd hate to pay for so much stuff and have him back out. :(
Anyway, we FINALLY picked the venue for the reception and wedding!!!! We had been toying with a lot of places, but our budget really couldn't afford the one I REALLY wanted. I stopped by the parks and rec office in a bigger city about 30 minutes south of home and inquired about the building we wanted for the reception. The receptionist said it was still available, which I found amazing since our date is 7-7-12, just a few days after the 4th. I figured it'd be booked two years in advance. It wasn't, but is sure is now!!!!
I don't have any pictures of the reception venue, but the wedding is to take place on the small waterfall in the park. I had to fill out a special uses permit, and it was approved. I'm so excited!
Here is a picture from about half way up the waterfall.
This one is the "natural" sitting area for the guests. In the lower right hand corner is where the rocks are that I'd like us to stand when we say the magic words. :)
I have also verified the color choices with the FH, and he's cool with what I've picked. I recently had a change of heart on the bridesmaid dresses too. I decided that it's crazy to ask my girls to spend $150+ per dress for a dress they will wear 1 time, especially since my wedding dress only cost $250. I am giving them some swatches of the color I would like their dress in and letting them pick a dress they're comfortable in, and comfortable paying for.
Now to find some inexpensive umbrellas so I can have their gifts made. I found a seller through etsy who will screen print the peacock on umbrellas for me. So, rain or shine, we'll be getting married outside!
I also decided on the earrings I want to wear.
So, like I said, it's not much. But getting the venue situation was SUPER stressful for me. I am so glad we've got it secured and we can continue to move forward!
Views: 2
Comment by Trisha on May 3, 2011 at 7:07pm
That is the most beautiful place for a ceremony. Amazing!
Comment by nirvanagrrl on May 3, 2011 at 7:20pm
Thanks! The lady at the Parks and Rec office was really excited about us getting married at the fall. I think we might be the first ones to utilize it in such a way!
More is falling into place! YAY!!! (A touch of porn)
- Posted by nirvanagrrl on February 3, 2011 at 9:33pm
So, I've been avoiding homework because planning my wedding is WAY more fun, even though I've got 18 months to get stuff done. I have to say, it's great to walk into a bridal show and only have to check the boxes for venue and officiant. Pretty much everything else is either taken care of, or I will figure out a suitable alternative.
Yesterday I went to a vintage website to look for lingerie for possible boudior photos and came across an umbrella that looked like peacock feathers were covering it. I was excited and emailed them to see if I could get a discount for ordering 5-6 or if there were any sales going on to keep my eyes out for. I got an email today saying that they were having a sale of 10% off until Valentine's Day. Well, I don't have the $100+ for the umbrellas yet so that didn't work. I decided to check google out and came across this awesome picture:
I immediately joined Etsy, where the umbrella was located, and sent the seller a message asking for pricing of 5-6 of these. I explained my super tight budget, but the desire to give my maids and matrons something awesome and useful as their gift, which will also be part of their wedding ensemble. She came back with a quote, which was comparable to the vintage store, but much more personalized. I feel more at peace with this idea over the other option, plus she's in the same state I am, so I'm supporting semi-local business. She also gave me some options for possible favors for guests, but I've got to talk to FH to clear the ideas.
Since our wedding has more of a theme with colors than an actual theme I picked the peacock feather since it has the colors we're using plus some additional colors to pull in. Our colors are green (his favorite), blue (my favorite) and purple (we just went for the entire cool side of the color wheel). I'm very tempted to make our own invitations since there is time and I don't work over the summer (one of the perks of a job in education! That and missing a week of school for snowpocalypse) I found a few stamps on Etsy that are very good potentials. I've got another peacock, Alice, the Mad Hatter, and heart maze. I figure since our wedding is throwing our hodgepodge likes in everyone's face I may as well make the invitations unique, just like us. :D I bet no two will be the same. If anyone has tips on stamping with multiple colors I'm more than open to suggestions. We will probably print the invitations then stamp (the more mixed media the better, right?).
With that being said... I need to do my homework. :)
Views: 1
Comment by vacantmuse on February 4, 2011 at 1:07am
that's awesome :D i'm way ahead too and trying not to get too caught up in planning! and failing miserably. XD
i always feel happier buying local/handmade/etsy than going through a chain store or anything; it's just a feeling of personal contact and warm fuzzies. I love the vibrant purple of the umbrellas!
Comment by nirvanagrrl on February 4, 2011 at 1:01pm
Thanks! I just hope I can find the umbrella in a complimentary color to their purple dresses. I don't want it looking crazy! LOL!
No comments:
Post a Comment