This is my completed shadow box. I got the idea off of pinterest to put my tickets in a shadow box. Dennis, my fiance, got me a jersey shadow box for Christmas. I have now completed the project and await time to hang it on the wall to commemorate all of the great concerts I have been able to attend. :)

Sometimes, the truth hurts....... a lot.

                Never in a million years would I have imagined that my life and relationship would turn out to be like it is both the good and the bad. I have had some time to think about some things that have happened and I am coming to peace with the decisions that I have made in regard to the wedding that was supposed to take place in a month. God, in a month I would have been married again. That’s an unreal thought.

                I love that my friends care about me and love me as much as they do. I hate that he screwed up so much that they have nothing positive to say about, or to him. I hate that, as usual, I am stuck in the middle of an uncomfortable situation. I hate confrontation, yet that seems to be all I can cause in one way or another. It is hard upholding my decisions when I want to simply cave and give everyone what they want. When did everyone’s wants and desires become the foundation for my decisions? At what point did I decide that what everyone thinks is more important than what I think?

                Well, here’s what I think:

• 1.       We all make mistakes, some more than others. That means that some of us need to work harder to prove that the mistakes won’t happen, and should have never happened.
• 2.       Some “friends” aren’t worth keeping, while others are a solid foundation for lifelong friendships. Only you can decide who those friends are and how to weed out the ones that aren’t worthwhile.
• 3.       No one should make your decisions for you if you are of sound mind (and possibly body). Only you know what is in your heart, no matter how much someone says they know you. NO ONE KNOWS YOU BETTER THAN YOU DO! You have lived with yourself your entire life.
• 4.       I will marry him. When he proposed I answered the first time with, “eventually”. It took me four months to turn the “eventually” into a “yes”. It will take us time to get it right, and fix mistakes we have both made.
• 5.       He is not the only one at fault in this. I shoulder part of the blame also. No one is perfect, least of all me. I am a part of the problem and I will be part of the solution. If you don’t like my choices, then you can voice them, but it doesn’t mean I’ll listen. We will go to counseling to get some of our issues worked out, because neither one of us is great at communicating with the other. We’re better than we were, but we have a long way to go.
• 6.       I am not staying with him for our child. I love him so intensely that it hurts. I cannot imagine not having him in my life. I have lied without him by my side and while I survived, a piece of me was missing the entire time. When he is gone, that piece leaves with him. The time I spent without him at the end of 2010 and the beginning of 2011 was so difficult. I cried myself to sleep almost every night. Did anyone know that? It sucked, not simply because it was hard, but because a piece of me was in a place that I couldn’t reach. Talking to him on the phone was so hard, as was reading his letters. I was excited every time I got a letter and cried every time I read it. I cry just thinking about it. I don’t know how to explain my love for him. It’s like nothing I have ever felt for anyone in my life.

Just like I don’t know what goes on behind closed doors, neither do you. I may air my grievances sometimes, but that does not constitute the entirety of our relationship. I take too many opportunities to air my negative business with him in public and don’t spend enough time appreciating him in public. I also don’t tell him the little things he does that make me happy. I am a negative person who tries to be a positive person and sometimes it doesn’t go so well. Actually it doesn’t go so well much of the time. I refuse to allow my negative nature to rule my life. If I were negative all of the time I wouldn’t be able to appreciate anything positive in my life and that is no way to live.

        With all of that being said, please don’t judge our relationship any more than you already have, and if you do, please don’t make either of us feel guilty for loving one another. In the grand scheme of things we could both have it much worse. He could be with someone who has no backbone and refuses to help him be a better person, and I could be with someone who constantly makes me feel like shit, or worse yet, physically or mentally harms me. I want him to be the man I see inside of him, and I will do my best to be strong and help him see that man too.

Childhood wishes and adult dreams

The irony of becoming an adult; wishing you were a child because you have wished your childhood away to be an adult.

I remember wishing I was a grown up, but I can’t remember why it seemed so important. Maybe I felt like I should be the one to decide what time I was to go to bed, not my parents. I don’t know, but I now wish that I was a child and I had the time to enjoy playing outside, playing with toys, etc. I wish I could just spend my time playing, not working, not cleaning, not doing the boring grown up things I do. I don’t like being a grown up, it’s not fun.  

I work daily with teenagers who think they know everything, just like every teenager does. I hate how they act like the world owes them something. I don’t remember acting like that, nor do I remember my friends acting that way. There is no punishment for wrong doings. They believe they are entitled to all the luxuries in their life, their car, their phone, their extra-curricular activities, their parents paying for gas, insurance, etc. I just can’t figure out how they got this way. I mean, I can, but I don’t want to think about it because it is frustrating and saddening at the same time. Why are parents afraid of their children? Why don’t parents work with the education system as opposed to against it? Why don’t parents make time for their children? That is part of the problem; their actions are cries for attention, no matter how they get it. At the district I work at I am appalled at the idea that students are allowed to participate in extra-curricular activities even though their grades are failing. How is that positive? By allowing the students to participate even though their grades are abysmal the administration is showing them that it doesn’t matter if you try or even care about school, you can still play sports. When I was in school you had to maintain a specific GPA to participate and while many of our teams were not fantastic, at least they graduated on time. I’m sure there are students that “slipped through the cracks” because coaches turned the other cheek, but there’s no need to turn the other cheek here, no one cares. The district is considered a failing district, maybe, instead of having the teachers participate in annoying, boring, long “staff development” meetings once a month, maybe there should be repercussions for failing grades/test scores/etc.

I am well aware that “you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar”, but at what point do schools and parents realize that they must work together to achieve success? I was blessed enough to have parents that pushed me to do my best, and I am intrinsically motivated to succeed. There is no way to make an individual succeed, but there is no way to promote success in schools when parents don’t feel the need to support the education staff, and vice versa. From what I have witnessed many parents feel that school is their babysitter for 8 hours a day (or more if their child participates in sports). Many parents work, but that is no reason to not contact teachers by email, or a quick phone call to check on the progress of their student. Or better yet, begin a conversation with the child about how school is going, if they have homework, etc. By showing an interest those parents are showing their child that they are important and that the parent cares. When I was in high school my parents would have conversations with me in regard to school and extra-curricular activities on a weekly basis, or sometimes daily. Knowing someone cares in important. I would love to take a poll and compare student grades to parent participation outside of school. How many of the students with good GPA’s have parents that show they care? How many of the students with poor GPA’s have parents that don’t have time for them? Maybe when the time comes for my thesis in graduate school, I can explore this topic.  

The wedding is getting close....

After making sure that our honeymoon was booked (ya know, priorities), we had money left from our tax return to plan our wedding. I have managed to purchase shoes, his shoes, the decor for the tables (for the most part), some favors for attendants, plates, napkins,cups and that's about it. We still need to pay the other half for our venue, rent a tux for our son, purchase shoes for our son, purchase food for guests, purchase our marriage license, purchasing the remainder of our attendant gifts and have money for eating and souvenirs from our honeymoon. I have an interview for a second job to *hopefully* curtail the costs. I've been as frugal as possible while still trying to stay true to our ideals. I think the part that frustrates me the most is that I had to use a pretty decent chunk of our "budget" to bail my FH out of jail. I know our wedding is a bit difficult w/o the groom, but there was a piece of me that wanted to let him sit in there and consider if he's really all in on this. I've done the majority of the planning/buying/budgeting and I feel like he's just along for the ride. I've told him that he is responsible for feeding our guests. He started to complain and I looked at him and asked if he'd rather have food duty or take care of EVERYTHING else. I said he was good with food. That was 2 months ago. Nothing has been done. I'm afraid we're going to have some very hungry guests. I'm perfectly fine with going to the justice of the peace and getting it done quick. The "big wedding" is all for him and what he wants, yet I'm stuck doing all the darn leg work. Some days I just want to throw in the towel.
Please don't think that I am making a huge mistake by marrying him. I love him so very much. I have been married before, so I see the pomp and circumstance as nothing more than wasted money. It's an issue I have within myself and I'm working to make this event memorable for both of us while keeping the carbon footprint, and cost as small as possible.There are many ways that we are two peas in a pod. We have many likes and dislikes that are similar. I think my focus is more on how our life will be after the wedding than the wedding itself. I'd love to say that we could scale back the wedding, but honestly I have no idea how to make it any smaller than it already is.
We are making our own confetti,bouquet, and boutonnieres. Our cakes are a wedding gift, as is the photography.  My MOH is purchasing the services of a "day-of" wedding planner, which will be really helpful. Our table decorations are activity books for everyone to enjoy, toys for children to play with, pens/pencils/crayons, etc. I feel that our wedding is minimal, especially in comparison to weddings I have seen on here and weddings that are considered traditional. I just want someone to say the magic words that bind us together "until death do us part".
I've totally gone on a rant here, sorry. I'll get back on target.
It would be nice to win a free wedding. But I want our day to be special, wonderful and worry free so I am taking on a part time job on top of my full time job. I am doing it to make our wedding, my bachelorette party (girl trip to Chicago!) and honeymoon (Seattle baby!) the most wonderful time we can. I just hope that I don't wear myself out while doing all this work.

From my Offbeat Bride account that is going to be archived

I've been a member of Offbeat bride for about a year or so. The website is migrating from their current server provider to a new one and much information will be lost. I decided to keep my stuff so I could re post it when my application is approved.

It's all your fault Darth Vader!!

• Posted by nirvanagrrl on December 20, 2011 at 5:51pm

It's about 7 months until the big day and I have not heard from the person designing our wedding invitations. I think it's time to take matters into my own hands.

I sent her a message a few months ago giving her the information that we needed on the invitations. I then contacted her about a month after that just to check the progress. She had totally forgotten about it. Ugh! It was okay though because we still had plenty of time.  Thankfully I finally got a message from her and we've started communicating through Pinterest and have facilitated some great ideas for the invites!

Another friend offered to make our cake topper, but I haven't heard anything out of her. She's got two very young children and I know her hands are full, so I don't want to offend her by looking for a cake topper, but I also don't want my cake topper idea to be lost and have to use some generic Wal-Mart cake topper. :( I guess I'll drop her a note and see if she's even interested in doing it anymore.

Then there's the part about the friend of a friend who I don't really want at the wedding, but she considers me a friend and I'm sure it will hurt her feelings if she's not invited. I don't want her to come because she's condesending and has NO control over her 3 year old daughter. I don't want to spend my wedding day worried about the little girl. The wedding is child friendly, considering we have a child ourselves as do most of our friends, so I can't tell her to leave her daughter at home.  An added problem is that my FH is friends with this person's father, but neither one of us can stand her mother. Oy Vey!

To add to the frustration we have a mutual friend that "wedded" his baby momma a few months ago and she "forgot" to invite us, even though he made a special request that my FH be there since they are quite close. This individual asked me to date him years ago when FH and  I were apart, but I wasn't ready, nor did I want to cross that friendship line.  His "wife" hates me, and I throughly dislike her.  She is overbearing and uses his daughter as a pawn to get what she wants in terms of his actions.  She threatened to take their daughter away if he reported on a friend of hers that had child pornography on the computer. I'd like for our mutual friend to come, but leave that "lovely" individual at home. How exactly do you word that invitation?

Oh, why must human relations be so complicated? Oh, I know, because Darth Vader died and was unable to make everyone bow to his will and become automaton droids with no emotions. Damn you Darth Vader for dying!

Views: 55

 Comment by Evee on December 20, 2011 at 6:35pm

Ha! It's all Darth's fault, somehow. 

Your first two points (dealing with vendors/friendors), send emails with a detailed list of expectations.  You can make it sound cheerful and professional, but make it clear.  Example for your friend and the cake-topper. 

"Hey friend!  Just dropping you a line about that super-awsome cake-topper idea we talked about.  Are you still able to make it?  If you're still on board (and trust me, I'd understand if you're busy with your own shit!)  can we get together for lunch [next Tuesday] to talk about ideas?  The cake baker/my mom/the wedding checklists need the cake-topper done by [two weeks before you actually need it]. Thanks again!" 

You can get a little more formal with the invite lady.  Tell her what date you'd like a rough draft, when you'd like  a proof, and an absolute final date for the finished product.  Sometimes you've got to break it down for some people.  If she agrees to the timeline, you've got every right to politely harass her about those timelines, as she was well aware of your expectations. 

As to your friends, thats always more complicated.  I'm a big proponent of "invite who you damn well please and don't worry about hurt feelings" but not everyone is has hard-hearted as I am! 

 Comment by Ssafs on December 20, 2011 at 8:15pm

Since Evee tackled the Vendors/Friendors I'll take a stab at the friends.

For the friend of a friend with the 3 yr old that you really dont want to invite. Dont. If she asks why she wasnt invited explain that you had to cut the guest list down (sometimes a white lie is very useful) and that unfortunately did not have enough room on it for her. She should understand if she really wants to be a friend.

As for your mutual friend. Send an invite thats addressed specificially to him with no other name on it (or him and his daughter). That should take care of it. Taking a question/answer from the knot on this subject and :

Q. We're having a small wedding. Do we have to invite Mr. Smith "and Guest"? One friend told me that if a guest is not seriously dating someone, I can just address the invite to Mr. Smith, and he'll know he's not supposed to invite someone. Is that true? What do I do if such guests reply for two anyway?
A. Most guests will understand that without "and Guest" or another name on the invitation, it's meant for them alone. Especially if you are having a small wedding, you probably aren't going to invite everyone to bring an escort, unless it's a fiance(e) and/or a serious significant other. Technically, you're never supposed to write "and Guest"; instead, you should find out the name of the significant other. What to do if some clueless souls reply for two? Call them up and explain that you're having an intimate wedding and, unfortunately, you were not able to invite everyone with a guest. They should understand that.

Hopefully that helps. You can, IF you have to call him, explain to him honestly, that his baby's mama doesn't make you two comfortable, and you want to be comfortable for your day and have only those who are close friends and family around you instead of people you do not know very well (and you dont know her very well yet do ya? ;))

 Comment by Whitter on December 21, 2011 at 2:40pm

Just speaking from experience- tons of people don't understand the implication of leaving off an "and guest" on an invite. My own finace is guilty of it, and RSVPd us both to a tiny wedding only he was invited to- I was completely mortified when he told me, definitely did not want some chick I'd never met to think I was rude or forcing myself into being there :P 

Anyway, I think it's fine to address it to just him, and that's certainly the easiest and most polite way.  But maybe be prepared to explain it to him if he doesn't pick up on it right away, especially if he hasn't been to many weddings. Some of this stuff is kindof intuitive to girls, but not so much to the dudes I've learned :P 

  Comment by l'histoire dauphine on December 21, 2011 at 3:44pm

Don't be afraid to harass a little, but be polite, obviously.  As for the person you don't want there, I would say don't invite her, but again, politely.  It is your wedding, and the expression of your love, and you should be surrounded by people you love.  If it comes up, tell her you just want your nearest and dearest there, and you have limitations on budget/venue/food/anything that has some truth to it.

The last thing you need is someone there who stresses you out.  If you end up inviting her anyway, take comfort in knowing that on the day, you'll be so wrapped up in your new hubbie and the wonderful people you really wanted to invite that you probably won't even notice she's there.  And since it's a three year old, if she does anything people might just think it is cute, and no one will blame you, I'm sure.

I am a sad panda, but it's for the best in the end.

• Posted by nirvanagrrl on June 23, 2011 at 4:46am

While I haven't gotten the official word yet, it looks like the entire amount saved for our wedding budget is now going to a down payment on a home. Granted, it's only $2000, but that's now $2000 less for the wedding. We still have half of a deposit to pay on the venue, no tux for our son, and forget anything like favors, attendant gifts, or even buying invitations.

Having a home is a great thing, I'm just super stressed about where the money will come from to "repay" ourselves. My FH said we can use our income tax return next year to finish off anything before our July 2012 wedding, but that was supposed to be for our honeymoon. Looks like that's not an option now. :( I was really looking forward to going somewhere neither of us had been before and experiencing it together. Home ownership is something we've never experienced before and he's so excited I don't want to rain on his parade. Hell, the day he found out we got pre approved he called me and asked if I had told the realtor to take the house off the market that we want. Silly FH.

Deep breath.... it will be okay..... it will be okay..... it will be okay.....

Right?

Views: 16

1 member likes this

Comment by lovewinsovermonsters on June 23, 2011 at 5:36am

It will be OK. You have my empathy... we need to revision our June 2012 wedding, too, because our household financial situation will be changing significantly, too. I'm trying to think about it as just creating a new vision for what the wedding will be.I also keep reminding myself that a wedding is one day -- marriage is the reason why we're here. In your case, a house is a great commitment to your family.

At the same time, gut check -- are you on the same page with FH about the home buying? Regardless, go ahead and have the money tantrum if you need to. This is a great place to do that. Good luck with everything!

Comment by vintagehandbag on June 23, 2011 at 1:49pm

That is difficult. I would definitely recommend a honeymoon registry. And, there are probably places not too far away from where you live that you've never been. I think it's also possible to do some things -- like invitations -- pretty inexpensively. These free monograms look like a great place to start out for a template to design your own printables: http://www.weddingchicks.com/freebies/custom-monograms/fancy-monogram/

Comment by nirvanagrrl on June 24, 2011 at 8:04pm

Thanks for the words of encouragement. I'm actually the one who prompted the home buying expedition, as I got a new job and the town we're looking at moving to is closer to his work too. I want an address for our son to remember when someone asks him where he lives and I just don't see us living in our tiny apartment forever.

I had considered a honeymoon registry, especially now that we may have a house and everything we need within a house. :D I know everything will work out, it is just hard to know that the money is there for the leisurely disposal, and now it will be a crunch time wedding. LOL!

Comment by Metal Maven on September 26, 2011 at 5:59pm

Just checking in to see how things are going. Are you still my wedding twin? I haven't done anything wedding related lately.  What's the new with your house?

It's been a little while, but something has gotten done! *porn*

• Posted by nirvanagrrl on May 3, 2011 at 3:18pm

I haven't posted on here in forever. My FH is home and we've gotten some things figured out in regard to our nuptials next year. I did have a slight freak out since a friend of mine had her FH freak out and tell her that even though he popped the question he wasn't ready to get married and their wedding was set for July of this year. They've now pushed it back a year. It made me worry that my FH would back out too. I asked him if he was getting cold feet. He replied with no. THANK GOODNESS! I'd hate to pay for so much stuff and have him back out. :(

Anyway, we FINALLY picked the venue for the reception and wedding!!!! We had been toying with a lot of places, but our budget really couldn't afford the one I REALLY wanted. I stopped by the parks and rec office in a bigger city about 30 minutes south of home and inquired about the building we wanted for the reception. The receptionist said it was still available, which I found amazing since our date is 7-7-12, just a few days after the 4th. I figured it'd be booked two years in advance. It wasn't, but is sure is now!!!!

I don't have any pictures of the reception venue, but the wedding is to take place on the small waterfall in the park. I had to fill out a special uses permit, and it was approved. I'm so excited!

Here is a picture from about half way up the waterfall.

This one is the "natural" sitting area for the guests. In the lower right hand corner is where the rocks are that I'd like us to stand when we say the magic words. :)

I have also verified the color choices with the FH, and he's cool with what I've picked. I recently had a change of heart on the bridesmaid dresses too. I decided that it's crazy to ask my girls to spend $150+ per dress for a dress they will wear 1 time, especially since my wedding dress only cost $250. I am giving them some swatches of the color I would like their dress in and letting them pick a dress they're comfortable in, and comfortable paying for.

Now to find some inexpensive umbrellas so I can have their gifts made. I found a seller through etsy who will screen print the peacock on umbrellas for me. So, rain or shine, we'll be getting married outside!

I also decided on the earrings I want to wear.

So, like I said, it's not much. But getting the venue situation was SUPER stressful for me. I am so glad we've got it secured and we can continue to move forward!

Views: 2

Comment by Trisha on May 3, 2011 at 7:07pm

That is the most beautiful place for a ceremony. Amazing!

Comment by nirvanagrrl on May 3, 2011 at 7:20pm

Thanks! The lady at the Parks and Rec office was really excited about us getting married at the fall. I think we might be the first ones to utilize it in such a way!

More is falling into place! YAY!!! (A touch of porn)

• Posted by nirvanagrrl on February 3, 2011 at 9:33pm

So, I've been avoiding homework because planning my wedding is WAY more fun, even though I've got 18 months to get stuff done. I have to say, it's great to walk into a bridal show and only have to check the boxes for venue and officiant. Pretty much everything else is either taken care of, or I will figure out a suitable alternative.

Yesterday I went to a vintage website to look for lingerie for possible boudior photos and came across an umbrella that looked like peacock feathers were covering it. I was excited and emailed them to see if I could get a discount for ordering 5-6 or if there were any sales going on to keep my eyes out for. I got an email today saying that they were having a sale of 10% off until Valentine's Day. Well, I don't have the $100+ for the umbrellas yet so that didn't work. I decided to check google out and came across this awesome picture: 

I immediately joined Etsy, where the umbrella was located, and sent the seller a message asking for pricing of 5-6 of these. I explained my super tight budget, but the desire to give my maids and matrons something awesome and  useful as their gift, which will also be part of their wedding ensemble. She came back with a quote, which was comparable to the vintage store, but much more personalized. I feel more at peace with this idea over the other option, plus she's in the same state I am, so I'm supporting semi-local business. She also gave me some options for possible favors for guests, but I've got to talk to FH to clear the ideas.

Since our wedding has more of a theme with colors than an actual theme I picked the peacock feather since it has the colors we're using plus some additional colors to pull in. Our colors are green (his favorite), blue (my favorite) and purple (we just went for the entire cool side of the color wheel). I'm very tempted to make our own invitations since there is time and I don't work over the summer (one of the perks of a job in education! That and missing a week of school for snowpocalypse) I found a few stamps on Etsy that are very good potentials. I've got another peacock, Alice, the Mad Hatter, and heart maze. I figure since our wedding is throwing our hodgepodge likes in everyone's face I may as well make the invitations unique, just like us. :D I bet no two will be the same. If anyone has tips on stamping with multiple colors I'm more than open to suggestions. We will probably print the invitations then stamp (the more mixed media the better, right?).

With that being said... I need to do my homework. :)

Views: 1

Comment by vacantmuse on February 4, 2011 at 1:07am

that's awesome :D i'm way ahead too and trying not to get too caught up in planning! and failing miserably. XD

i always feel happier buying local/handmade/etsy than going through a chain store or anything; it's just a feeling of personal contact and warm fuzzies. I love the vibrant purple of the umbrellas!

Comment by nirvanagrrl on February 4, 2011 at 1:01pm

Thanks! I just hope I can find the umbrella in a complimentary color to their purple dresses. I don't want it looking crazy! LOL!