One of these days

 One of these days, I promise I'll do better.

Who am I kidding? I don't make promises. And I'll likely not do any better.

Ugh. The last year was not the greatest and the last few months of this year were icky.

Status update #1: Still freaking legally married. We're at least on speaking terms now so we can draw up the papers ourselves, hash out some things, let a mediator check it over it and freaking file it. I'm so tired of explaining it. I'm tired of being legally bound to him and all of his drama. He's still trying to "win" me back. I don't know how else I can explain it to him. It's over. I'm still legally bound to him because I'm the one who has to start the proceedings, I'm the one taking care of the kids, I'm tired, and by the time I look at the paperwork (especially the finances), I'm completely overwhelmed. 

I had a boyfriend for a few months. I thought I would be a better person to be in a relationship this go-around. I was wrong. He felt no spark, after 7 months he told me he felt no spark. I don't know how much I believe him, because he was the one who pursued me, but it's whatever. He mentioned an ex-girlfriend about week before he broke it off, a girlfriend he had never mentioned before that day. Cool. 

Late last year (I think), I had a terrible time with my eating habits. I was famished all the time, so I ate all the time. The weight I had lost while in the hospital in 2021 came back, plus more. I now weigh more than I did when I was pregnant. I was doing okay-ish with my eating, then depression hit and it's been shit ever since. Mental health is such a bitch.

I constantly tell myself that I'm going to do better at eating, exercising, hanging out with the boys, etc. And each day I fail at all of those things. Each day I do the same shit over and over. The result continues to be the same, which I know it will, but I don't do shit to change it. I see a friend that has worked hard the last 3 years to lose weight, eat better, and take care of herself and I'm so happy for her. But, I wish I had that motivation for myself. I want to fit in my clothes, and yet I do so little to make that happen.

Well, here's hoping I can get a fire lit under my ass and do something about it.