Oh Mt. Dew, why must your syrupy goodness make me wish for sleep? A busy day awaits me, full of unfinished homework, spending time with friends and family, and going to a concert.
Maybe it's not just the Mt. Dew to blame. Maybe it's me. I am sitting here, typing a blog post instead of doing my homework. Homework, that is, as of an hour ago, is late. Yet, I don't care. I'm getting burnt out and partially wish I could throw my hands up and say "I quit". But I can't. Too much is riding on the last 5 classes I have to take.
My degree awaits. I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel of Bachelor of Arts in Psychology tunnel, yet I'm tired. I want to sit down and rest for a bit. I'm shivering and tired and scared. After the B.A. comes the M.A. which has a shorter tunnel, but there is a good chance it will be harder to travel through. Not to mention the idea of the PhD tunnel, it may or may not be in the horizon... we'll see how hard I have to work in the M.A. tunnel.
I'd love for it to be over, I feel like I'm missing out on so many things. They're probably all trivial, but in the here and now, they seem important. Besides, my B.A. and M.A. won't guarantee me squat for a paycheck. I'm going to be a teacher, they don't get shit for a paycheck. Granted, I make less than shit now, but by the time I have to start paying my expenses back, I may break even at what I make now.
Of all the professions, I would pick the most overworked, underpaid, under-appreciated field in the world. Boo hoo, feel sorry for me. Nah, I'll be okay. I, like some teachers, am not doing it for the paycheck. I'm doing it because kids need someone who cares. There are far too many parents who don't care these days. So many parents, from what I've seen, are too busy working 2 jobs to buy the "love" of their child. Most "young adults" these days are disrespectful to everyone and expect to be top dog. There are those who believe that simply graduating from high school will get them a $20/hr job with benefits. Good luck with that. I hope it works out well for you, in the mean time, try a job in fast food, it might humble you a bit.
I have begun to realize that the older I get, the more I am judgmental. I don't like it. Who am I to judge if that person's swimsuit doesn't look appealing? I'm sure I look like a beached whale in mine, so I should keep my mouth shut. Oh wait, I do keep my mouth shut. I'm all talk (inside) but no action. I sometimes wish I could walk through life drunk all the time. The comments in my head wouldn't be so bottled up anymore. Of course, I'd be classified as the world's biggest bitch then. There's a lot that goes on that isn't said, as with anyone who has enough common sense of when to speak and not speak.
I wish gas wasn't so expensive. I need to drive. I need to get out, smoke a couple of cigarettes, and just drive. Why does something so harmful to me and the environment make me feel so good?
I won tickets to a concert. I'm really happy about it. It made my so-so day a lot better. I consider it an early birthday gift from The Blue Note and Blue October. They both knew I needed it, in theory.
I need to pee. I hope this blog post is coming off the same way it is in my head. Totally monotone and completely uninteresting. If you've made it this far I congratulate you. I doubt I'd have made it this far.
I get so mad at myself when I say things that I mean, but around people that it would bother. Tonight is a perfect example. A friend of mine is having a very difficult time with someone I don't like. Because I don't like the person in question I said things that weren't nice (I wish I could blame alcohol on this one). After a while I realized that a mutual friend of all three of us would probably read the comments and would think poor of me. That really sucks because this person has become someone I look up to. She is great at keeping her cool and when things get her down she keeps her head up. I aspire to be a combination of her and a few others, but I'm doubtful of my success.
Okay, I'm sort of done. I really have to pee and can't hold it any longer. Maybe some other night I'm avoiding homework I can create another monotone, boring blog that will be read by a few people... mainly myself and the voices in my head.
